Jumbled Thoughts...

Well, I was determined to write every day or at least every other day! That already didn't happen! I'm great at procrastinating! I keep thinking I'll do it later...so later is finally here!
I have tried to write a few other posts but got so emotional that I just couldn't share them!
Our family has lost 3 loved ones since August. Two were cousins that left us far too soon. The first was a younger cousin, who fought his cancer valiantly, but God had a plan we will never understand. He was a loving son to my auntie and uncle, and a loving daddy and husband. I am close to his sister and I know she misses him terribly. I hurt for her!
The latest was my cousin Wes, who I had always wished was my big brother! He was so sweet and always played with me and took me under his wing at family gatherings! I always looked up to him! I wished I could draw like he did when we were children. I am a talented writer, but, unlike Wes, I've always been too shy to share it.
This past summer I was in the hospital. Wes came to visit me often, even though he was in so much pain. I could see him struggling to sit in the chair next to my bed, but he faithfully came and cheered me up. We talked about the years we missed in between our childhood and our reunion. I showed him things I'd written. He wanted me to tell some stories, and promised to help me and possibly even co-write one particular story. He was so brave, so strong, so encouraging! He very quickly worked his way back up to being my idol. Anytime I texted him complaining of pain or frustration he would encourage me and promise to be back to visit soon. He could make me laugh within a minute of arriving in my room! Now when I see anything pertaining to his favourite superheroes or Star Wars, I have to fight tears. Those were the things that he loved so much.
I am fighting for my health and independence now. I'm struggling with the loss of two cousins and concern for their parents, my dear aunts and uncles. My mom supports and encourages me daily.
I wanted to write a tribute to Wes but I can't. I just get too emotional. But every time I work on a story, or attempt to write a blog, that is a tribute to him. And I will get the story done that he wants me to tell. And I know that he will be watching and he'll be proud of me.